June 30, 2014


Lately, your nights end like this. All by yourself in an empty apartment, with only your sobbing to keep you company. Sadness is amplified when you're alone. And the recent air of death around you seemed to have pushed the closest people away from you. Or maybe they were never there for you anyway, and you're just now noticing it.

I've seen you fill your home with new friends and interactions in hopes that someone will notice you and catch you, in hopes of keeping your mind off of the night. But when the sun is down, you're falling onto your pillow, drowning in salty waters.

June 27, 2014


I hope there are ton of mahjong tables for you up in heaven. Save a match for me, Po Po.

And I hope heaven is, well, Heavenly.


June 22, 2014

It's been a while, and it's been introspective.

When I first found out that she left the church, my roommate shared a scripture with me: Alma 31:31-35. The last verse brought us to tears.
35 Behold, O Lord, their souls are precious, and many of them are our brethren; therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren, again unto thee.
Her soul is precious, but I haven't the power nor wisdom. I offered a compromise because I didn't want to lose a relationship with her and her children. "I'll respect your beliefs if you respect mine." But since then, I've needed to always be on the defensive. With constant talk coming from her, my mind started getting muddled—my sword is small, but my faith is greater than my doubts.

Everytime I was alone with her, she attacked my beliefs. And after she attacked, she came to me with an olive branch to lure me back in and give me the feeling of "Everything's good between us" or "I respect your point of view." This abuse was abused. Each attack, she would always reach out to me after. These gave me hope that she wouldn't attack again, though it made me more cautious.

But when it turned out she was furious I turned to our parents for support and told me to "Leave my parents out of my life," I began to see the patterns. And sure enough, her olive branch came. And I decided not to take it this time.